i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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