So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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