Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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