Do you still have your period?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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