omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
