I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
