why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
