The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
