I'd wear matching sweaters with you
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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