Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
