Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
