Do vagina's smell?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
