whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
that may or may not have been my penis.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
