Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
