evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
