new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My vagina is officially offended.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
