just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Watching her eat just hurts me
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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