You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
