Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
