The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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