i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
