Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
