So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
