Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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