I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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