he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
