I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
