I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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