i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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