your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
