he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
