I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
