Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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