Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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