I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize