that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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