I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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