You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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