Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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