If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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