dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
