I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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