Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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