im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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