Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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