Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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