mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
