It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
