Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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