Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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