His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
