dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
