don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
