I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize