and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
