We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
