Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
