Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
