I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
you had me at cake vodka
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize