Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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