Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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