....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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