at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
