You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
