i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
