Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
