i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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