Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
