if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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