I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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