never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Drake has all the answers
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
