dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
