I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
