He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
third nipple confirmed
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
