Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
