textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
